Fed is Best: The Milk Collective (Calgary Photographer)

For a long time coming, I have wanted to pursue two passion projects of mine outside of my work boundaries. The first, was birth photography and the second was the post-natal journey a mother experiences. I had the chance to pursue the latter recently and I am so grateful for these beautiful mothers you see today to have come forward and share their stories. I wanted to document the different paths we as mothers have had to take, sometimes through choice and sometimes through necessity. 

My experiences in nursing my two kids really drove this campaign. With my first born, she was given formula on day 2 as she lost too much weight and I had to supplement her on every feed. She never truly latched because of her tongue tie, and by the time she was 4 months old, my psoriasis had spread to my chest and my nipples cracked to the point she sucked blood, not milk. Are you grossed out by then? Well, you should be; it was nauseating. But its a true story, and it doesn't get spoken about enough and this is the reality in breastfeeding. There is a lot of beauty and hardship in breastfeeding; it should be celebrated, but we should also talk about the other paths we take when breastfeeding just does not work. Do we celebrate those who pump or bottle feed equally? I don't know. I don’t see it as often as I would like. I know during my own struggles I felt I was inferior to mothers who were able to breastfeed and that had a huge impact on my mental wellbeing. When my second child was born, I was even more determined to make breastfeeding work, but I got so worked up about it, I failed that much harder. I took herbal supplements, I rented hospital grade pumps, made sure my blood work was in order, dealt with my hypothyroidism, and had a toddler to look after on top of my new baby. To say, I had Post Natal Depression is an understatement. It was single handedly the toughest year of my life. 

When I began this little project, I had no idea what I was about to embark on. I set very little expectation on what the final “look” was to be. I really just wanted it to be about these mothers, their lives, and what worked for them. I sincerely hope I have done them justice. To them, I say a heartfelt thank you. 

Jena

This is Jena. She says:

Pregnancy and Postpartum have been such a crazy journey. Due to health problems in my youth, we weren't sure that having kids would be easy for me, if at all possible. I am proud to have overcome all of those hurdles and had a healthy baby girl, born safely at home. Now, postpartum, my husband, my daughter, and I have kept busy tackling all of the new things that come our way. From postpartum anxiety to cloth diapering to breastfeeding struggles, I'm so thankful that we are a team. 

Christine

This is Christine. She says:

Quinn was the reward for persisting through a heartbreaking battle with infertility. The expression ‘worth the wait’ could not be more fitting. Her life has brought so much love and joy to all that know her. 

Amanda

This is Amanda. She says:
I had recently given birth to my son and was having a horrific time adjusting to my postpartum hormones. I’d undergone a period of psychiatric distress that my psychiatrist labeled “postpartum depressive anxiety with visual disturbances”. She thought the reason I was seeing serial killers in the shadows was because I was so badly sleep deprived that my brain was deceiving me. My constant night terrors couldn’t have cared less what my psychiatrist had to say.
For about two months, I needed around the clock supervision for myself as well as my son which meant Dillon, my partner, would be up with the baby Jaxon during the night – thankfully Jaxon was an amazing sleeper – and then go to work from 5am – 3pm. My incredible mom looked after us during the day and then Dillon would come home and do it all over again. For two months. Nonstop. It was a disaster. I was put on a bunch of different medications while we were waiting to see the postpartum psychiatrist – all of which made everything worse – and when I finally got in to see her, my meds were changed immediately so that I could start to function like a reasonable individual. My healing journey is far from over but I now know I have the love and support of my family and friends regardless of my mental health. I have a safe place and new Mom friends who are going through similar things in their own ways and we can all share our experiences and support each other without judgement or cruelty. I know I am the best mom, wife, friend, and person I can be because I take the time to look after myself too. I know that my son is as perfect as he ever could be and that whatever I may think I am lacking in life, I have a beautiful family for which I am forever grateful. 

Erin

This is Erin. This is her letter to her daughter, Violet:
Oh my Violet Dawn. What can I say? Nothing in this world could have ever have prepared me for you. I thought I knew exactly who you would be and what kind of mother I would be. Boy did you have other plans. From our hospital stay at 1 month to the 16 hours of screaming for 7 months straight. You have made me a stronger mother. You are such a strong person and I cherish every quiet moment we have together. You are so silly, your laugh and smile are pure joy. I am so thankful this bond we have had been so easy and has gone on for so long. You are 16 months and I know it will not go on for much longer. I hope you let us go till your 2. I'm not ready for you to not need me like this any longer. 

All my love. 

Mommy

Jae Jae

This is Jae Jae. She says:
I am Filipino, my son is 9.5 months and his father is Italian/French/British. I also have 2 invisible illnesses, a congenital heart defect and fibromyalgia....for many years we did not think I would ever be strong enough to carry a child but after moving to Calgary 3 years ago from Toronto and making some lifestyle changes I became stronger and we decided to try for a baby! So he is quite special for us as we had previously accepted that we just wouldn't be able to have a family. Having been sick for most of my like, it was very important for me to be able donate my milk, so I have been obsessively pumping since birth. I've done outreach previously as a health mentor for first year students in Toronto and have shared my story in many ways (previous to being pregnant), so I am very comfortable sharing this. I think it's important to share and help others with invisible/chronic illnesses still struggling with their diagnosis', as other people's stories have helped me in the past when I was lost and afraid. 

Randi

This is Randi.
Kianah is just over two years old, and is Randi’s second baby after the storm of fertility and pregnancy loss battles. With both living children Randi had to battle breast feeding issues and tongue/lip ties, but with lots of supports and help her and her babies overcame them. For Randi breastfeeding was huge for bonding with her babies and building an attachment. She had bottle fed formula and donor milk, used a SNS (supplemental nursing system) and pumped. She has a deep appreciation for all different methods of feeding a baby and toddler. 

Chelsea

This is Chelsea and her twin boys. She says:
I consider breastfeeding to be a major part of my mothering career to this point. I have been nursing for more than 12 years...nearly straight! My "milks" as I alternatively name them for my children's sake, have served me quite well. They have both comforted and nourished all 8 of my children... yup no typo there... I have fed 8 other people with my body! My milks are the ace in my back pocket. When a fussy, sick or busy child need food and distraction I can always count on them. My latest family additions, these incredible identical twins have shared many a sweet moment stroking each others heads or pushing each others faces away, all the while belly up the milk bar. As we come to the close of our breastfeeding relationship, as they are starting to self wean, I know I can continue to provide the healthy nourishment my babes need by continuing to pump and bottle feed them my magical milk ;) 

Katie

This is Katie. She says:
When I was pregnant with our first I had this romanticized idea of what breastfeeding would be like. After our son was born I was shocked at how unnatural it was; wasn’t breastfeeding supposed to be the most natural thing? We had latch issues and I didn’t trust my body to produce enough milk so I was put on the prescription Motilium. There was thrush, countless appointments with lactation consultants. I’m not sure what shifted, but at about 2-3 weeks old I was able to breastfeed an entire 24 hours without supplementing with formula. When I realized what I had done, I actually cried happy tears. After that day, I started to ween off the Motilium and had no other hiccups in my journey and was able to nurse our oldest for 22 months, when he decided he was done. I was lucky to be able to conceive while nursing and continue to nurse through almost our entire seconds sons pregnancy! My goal was to tandem nurse, unfortunately we never made it that far. Nursing our second came a lot easier, but again not without it’s own challenges. The damage to my nipples was pretty painful, but my midwife was able to prescribe an ointment which worked wonders (turns out I have an allergy to lanolin which explains a lot of my issues with our first). Our youngest is now 8 months old and is going strong, and hopefully we will have a longer breastfeeding journey than his brother. Ultimately we believe it’s up to the child to decide when they are done nursing.